Never Be Like You
by vanillaheavens
Summary: Temari fucked up. Bad. She tries to explain herself. To him, to herself. A ShikaTema headcanon of mine of when she first told him she loved him.


_Read this story whilst listening to : watch?v=2TdiNs2bE9A_

 _This was my inspiration for this one-shot._

* * *

 _What I would do to take away_

 _This fear of being loved, allegiance to the pain_

 _Now I fucked up and I'm missing you_

 _Never be like you_

Temari didn't think she'd ever fall in love. She had never been shown any love throughout her childhood and whatever love was displayed between her and her siblings was very subtle. Her father saw her as merely another shinobi, cursing at her when she could call him 'Dad'. On the other hand, her mother had died too quickly for her to remember anything about her. As a chunnin, she accepted her fate as a shinobi and nothing else. No kids, no husband, no family other than her brothers.

But then one day, the lazy crybaby she loved to tease oh so much had told her he loved her. And she had stood there, speechless. Her mouth wide open and her teal eyes void of expression but filled with emotions. She wasn't one to think all at once, but in that moment, every thought she ever had about love crossed her mind. _He's lying._ He had stared at her, seemingly like he understood what she was going through. _He doesn't love me._ She felt a lump build up in her throat and she clenched her fists so tightly, it drew a bit of blood. _He doesn't love me._ He had grabbed her in his arms and held her until she finished sobbing all the tears that had been building up for the past 21 years.

It was only a few weeks later when they got into their first real argument. Temari angry was not a pretty sight to see. She was thrashing things, breaking whatever she could break, threatening him. He kept calm for a long time and she was impressed. Tears were building up in her eyes. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to understand the pain that was filling her body, the pain that was pushing her to do things she regretted, the pain that fuelled every insult she spat. She couldn't believe what he had done, even if she knew deep down she was overreacting. She had stopped for a moment, gathering her thoughts, before she spit out her finishing blow. The second she finished her sentence she knew how badly she had fucked up.

 _I'm only human can't you see_

 _I made a mistake_

 _Please just look me in my face_

 _Tell me everything's okay_

It shocked him just as much as it shocked her. He turned away almost immediately, now looking at the window next to him. For a moment, he just stood there, aghast. Her mind scrambled to find a way to take back what she said, but nothing came out of her mouth. She hated being wrong, even when she knew she went too far. His expression changed quickly and his eyes filled with an emotion she never thought she'd see: hatred. He refused to look at her. He was too mature for her, she thought as he simply turned around and left, slamming the door as hard as he possibly could. The kunoichi stood there, confused at what had happened. She ran her fingers across her lips as if to erase what she said. It took her a few minutes before she thought of anything concrete. _He doesn't love me._ She burst into tears and fell on her knees.

Three months later, she was back in her village with her brothers, tending to everyday duties as the Kazekage's bodyguard. But everything was far from normal. She thought of him every day and was trying to figure out how to ever have him forgive her. It wasn't until she was sent back to Konoha on an ambassador task that she realized that she might cross paths with him. Part of her wished she saw him, part didn't. She didn't know what to expect as she approached the gates of his village and just kept her head down. She finally looked up just as she passed them to realize he was walking right next to her. Silence. From the corner of her eye, she had hoped that he was looking at her as well. She was wrong. He stared ahead, seeming as uninterested as he could ever be.

He had escorted her to the Hokage's office to which she delivered her message before they left to go to her usual hotel. She finally broke the silence.

"Why?" she asked, knowing she was asking why he was walking her.

"Wasn't my choice," he shrugged.

Her mouth shut in a thin line and the same lump in her throat that visited her just about every day came back again. When they finally arrived to her hotel, she grabbed his arm and pulled him into her room. He didn't seem shocked or upset. Uninterested.

 _How do I make you want to stay?_

 _Hate sleeping on my own, missing the way you taste_

 _Now I'm fucked up and I'm missing you_

 _Never be like you_

She tried explaining everything. Her childhood, her fear of affection, her acceptance of pain but her tears prevented her from speaking. She fell to her knees yet again and he inched closer to her, kneeling in front of her. He was waiting. He was patient. _How could he love me?_ She finally took a breath before she could say anything.

"I was scared, Shikamaru," she claimed, looking up at him.

He simply stared back, face still unreadable.

"I'm sorry," she choked out. "I'm so sorry."

He let her compose herself some more. She was expecting him to walk out angrily, but he didn't. He just waited. Waited like he had been waiting three months for this moment.

"I said things I didn't mean, and that weren't true," she said. "I overreacted and did the only thing I know how to do well: hurt others."

He leaned closer to her face, but she only looked down at her knees. She gripped tightly the fabric of her skirt as tears wet it. His hand cupped the side of her face and when he finally pushed her head up to look at him, his dark eyes were full of tears. She could finally read an emotion in them. _He loves me._ He gave her a knowing smile and wiped a tear from her cheek. He waited some more. She knew what he was waiting for, but it took her a few deep breaths and a few tears before she could finally say it.

"I love you too."

He sighed as if he had been holding his breath this whole time and streams of tears ran down his own cheeks. His smile was kind, pure and forgiving. No words needed to be spoken for her to understand. He loved her. He had forgiven her months ago but had waited for her. He knew her too well and loved her too much for him to give up on her after something she said in an argument.

He pulled her into his embrace and held her like he had the night he first told her he loved her. They both cried into each other's shoulders before he looked up at her. She was staring back with her eyes red from crying. He examined her face as if he wanted to memorize every inch of her if she ever were to leave again. She kept staring at his eyes until they were staring back at him before she gently placed her lips on his, craving the feeling she had missed too much: love. She finally felt loved. Unconditionally and truly loved.


End file.
